FOR RELEASE UPON RECEIPT
Prime Guinnesster Stephen F. today unveiled his new cabinet for the highly anticipated Gaming & Guinness IX, which is to be held in Ottawa for the first time ever this coming May.
"Obviously when you combine the shrinking timeframes with the logistical elements of moving the event so far afield, plus the sheer emotional momentum brought on by nearly of decade of success and excess, it is critical to have the right team in place. I am confident that we now not only have that team, but on any roll of double-sixes, they are all prepared to switch portfolios in a random and haphazard manner, for maximum comedic effect."
• Prime Guinnesster: Steve F
• Guinnesster of Libations; Deputy Guinnesster of Pimpin’: Mike P.
• Guinnesster of Hospitality: Rob D.
• Guinnesster of SWAG: Mike T. (reassuring update now part of our formal record, The Haznard)
• Guinnesster of Transportation: Scott F
• Deputy Guinnesster of SWAG: Vacant
• Deputy Guinnesster of Hospitality/ Kitchen Whip : Peter H.
• Deputy Guinnesster of Libations: Jeff P.
• Guinnesster of Communications: Earl W.
The Guinnesstry of Food & Lodging has been renamed the Guinnesstry of Hospitality in order to make those particular responsibilities sound just a teensy bit less onerous.
The Guinnesster of SWAG is expected to either appoint his own Deputy shortly or to say he is contracting it out, do it himself, and then pocket the difference.
The Deputy Guinnesster of Food is hereby given the informal title of Kitchen Whip because it is succinct, and besides that, everyone knows he is kinkier than a bag of bent nails.
The position of Assistant Deputy Guinnesster of Libations will be filled on an ad hoc basis.
The Guinnesster of Communications is encouraged to come up with a better name for the record of our proceedings than The Haznard. (Although now that I've typed it twice, it's beginning to grow on me...)