Graveyard Standoff

(What follows is a dramatization of my recollections from a recent Call of Cthulhu session - spoilers for the legendary Masks of Nyarlathotep campaign are contained within!)

"Listen to me," Lawrence Vane shouted, his face dripping. "You can’t just shoot her - that monster is my sister! That is still Eloise!"

The Oxford student pointed behind him to a grey-skinned, bestial creature hunched beside a recently disturbed grave. Pieces of a shattered coffin lid surrounded it, and being on the buisness end of an elephant gun didn't stop it from taking defiant bites from the grisly prize it had torn from the grave.

How did it come to this, thought Bartholomew Jones as he brushed misting rain from his eyes with the back of his free hand. I could be on the savannah, leading pampered Europeans looking to bag a trophy buck or even a lion, but no, I’m looking over the sights of Uncle Dave's Holland & Holland Royal Double at a -what? A ghoul I suppose. A flesh-eating abomination which was a captivating lass when I met her just yesterday...

Vane had brought Jones and his two compatriots, Prof. Greenwald and the bartender Roy Conner, into his trust only the evening before, after dinner at Castle Plum. Lord Arthur Vane, Lawrence's father, had been coy and aloof, but as they returned to the village, Lawrence had confided the truth about the recent deaths in Lower Edale. 

After her 21st birthday three months prior, Eloise Vane had begun transforming at the time of the full moon, and had killed several townsfolk before her family eventually discovered her metamorphosis. Her father and brother had begun sedating her and incarcerating her in the dungeons beneath their ancestral castle during the full moon, but each month, the change is longer lasting and more pronounced.

That same night, Eloise's gaunt but muscular ghoul form had escaped through a hidden passage in the dungeons. The tunnel led her into the family mausoleum, where she attempted to satiate her unnatural hunger on the bones of her ancestors. By the time Jones, Vane, exited the mausoleum and caught sight of their quarry, she appeared to be chasing a townsperson down the road into Lower Edale.

Jones shouldered his immense rifle, and briefly considered letting fly with both barrels, but remembering he had but two bullets in his possession, he opted to conserve ammo. He pulled the first of his twin triggers, the enormous report of the .450 Nitro Express round shocking the others and panicking Lawrence Vane, who turned and screamed in protest.

The shot struck the ghoul below its left shoulder blade, knocking the creature to the ground with what must surely be a killing shot.

But the creature immediately rolled to its feet and loped off in the direction of the graveyard, with no trace of an entry wound.

The three investigators gamely pursued the monster into the church cemetery, Conner gripping his 12 gauge uneasily, and Jones saw Greenwald bringing up the rear. The academic appeared to be on the verge of untethering, trotting along with a giddy grimace on his face, a cigarette dangling from his lips and a bottle of brandy in each hand. Seeing Jones' inquisitive look, Professor Greenwald flashed back a fatalistic grin, and took a long pull from the bottle in his right hand.

Moments later, they'd surrounded Eloise as she prepared to feast, but in the ensuing fracas both Jones and Conner had been bitten by the ghoul, and the American was struggling to avoid going into shock. "Let her feed" shouted Greenwald. "Better dead flesh than ours!"

And so they stood there, eye-to-eye with an unimaginably horrific creature, helplessly watching her charnel feasting while the cold February mist began forming into droplets of frigid rain. As the torn earth around the grave started muddening, Jones pondered his single remaining bullet, not knowing if even it would enough to stop the creature if it attacked, or if he could manage a clean shot past poor Lawrence, still trying to protect whatever of his sibling remained in that gaunt, grey shape.

"What if we just...let her go?" Lawrence queried. "What more harm can she do if she prefers to eat dead things?"

"Don't be stupid," shot Conner, "she's already killed three, and you know she's getting worse."

The brother's shoulders slumped, and Jones struggled to come up with a plan of action, the barrel of his elephant gun never wavering. Conner did his best to keep his shotgun at the ready, but winced in pain as blood poured from the vicious bite in his shoulder. The professor, meanwhile, seemed to be using the two bottles he held to weigh out possible solutions.

Then Lawrence decided for them.

Leaping in front of Jones and thrusting the barrel of the Royal Double into the air, he shouted over his shoulder at the creature that was once his beloved sister, "Eloise, run! Get away!"

The ghoul's head snapped up, and for a moment it seemed she might leap at her brother, either to attack or to aid, who can say. But instead it dropped its grisly trophy and was clearly preparing to flee.

Pulling the barrel away from Vane's grip, Jones stepped into the youth shouldering him aside as he drew a bead on the creature with a coolness of manner and smoothness of motion born out of hundreds of such shots taken in Africa, and pulled the second trigger on his rifle.

The deafening boom of the Holland & Holland forced Lawrence to wince and cover his ears reflexively, so he didnt see the shot hit the ghoul directly in its chest, knocking it on its back. But Jones saw that once again there was no blood, and somehow, impossibly, the creature still seemed to be alive, and struggling to get to its feet.

The hunter looked helplessly to Conner as his comrade fought to overcome his wound and bring his shotgun to bear, but before he could, Delbert strode forward with only one bottle in his hand. 

He had crammed a brandy-soaked handkerchief into the neck of the bottle, and lit the improvised wick with the bright ember of his cigarette. He lobbed the firebomb at the prone creature, and saw it shatter on its chest, enveloping the ghoul in flames.

"Eloise, no!" shouted Lawrence, staggering to his feet and tearing off his jacket. As he moved towards his sister's flaming form, Conner, while yet unsure of the right thing to do, still made an attempt to tackle the youth, but ended up in a heap on the ground instead.

Lawrence flailed at the flames with his jacket, but as they finally subsided, it was clearly too late, and only a charred, barely humanoid form remained.

But as the brother sobbed and the others stood in stunned silence, the charred form slowly reverted to that of the lovely girl they had only hours before. Lawrence draped his jacket over her nearly naked form, and Jones put his hand on the young man's shoulder in commiseration.

"I'm so sorry it came to this, Lawrence," the hunter intoned. "But surely you understand we had no choice."

Vane wheeled on him with red rimmed eyes, full of anger, but his expression softened as he saw Rev. Stratton making his way over to them from the vicarage. He looked deeply into Jones' eyes, before finally letting his chin drop into his chest and nodding in agreement.

"You're probably right," Vane said softly. "But you will never be able to convince my father." He gestured up at the castle on the hill. "You've made a powerful enemy tonight, and I think you should leave Lower Edale straight away."

Jones nodded and stepped away to join Prof. Greenwald in helping Conner off the ground, but Lawrence continued: "And I wouldn't stay in England much longer either, if I were you."

Audrey's Caʒ Birthday

Caʒ - pron. "caszh", adj.: suggested spelling for the conversational abbreaviation of casual

I recently read a list of conditions a woman declared for any prospective long-term partners, all relating to childbearing and rearing. It included full time off work from knowledge of conception to kindergarten or age 4, a 'push presen't, a babymoon and a few others. And while I was glad she had such a clear set of priorities and laudable dedication to her future offpsring, I was also grateful Audrey never set any such preconditions on our relationship. Which was good, because I don't think I would have met that standard!

We both knew early on that we wanted kids, and when they came into our lives, she stayed home to raise them, but also managed a day home for many years to offset that cost. It was a great fit for her in many ways, and also helped prepare her for her current work as an educational assistant.

Audrey is a very unassuming and easygoing lady in virtually every aspect of her life (I mean, if you want proof, look who she is married to!), and has always valued authenticity over flash, and fun over image.

For her birthday tonight, she could have picked a fancy restaurant or upscale lounge, but she selected a neighbourhood pub in Lago Lindo called The Thirsty Rhino that some coworkers had recommended. And instead of everyone picking a dish, she suggested the three of us share appetizers instead, but wouldn't dream of calling it tapas.

We had a plate of wachos (waffle chip nachos with their own delicious sauce), two baskets of wings (sweet and spicy Thirsty Rhino sauce and dry garlic parm) and pesto fries with parmesan and balsamic vinegar. Audrey spun a wheel of drinks called 'dangles', a variation on shooters served in a rocks glass with ice that you drink through a straw as quickly as possible. She ended up getting us a round of Black Beards, a combination of dark rum, triple sec, orange juice and pineapple juice - very tasty!

Their beer list is not tremendously diverse but they did have a Hop Valley IPA and Guinness on tap. Our server was delightful, their playlist was enjoyably eclectic, and their desserts were pretty creative (a tiramisu affogato and Boston Cream donut-style cake) so I am confident we will be back.

And Audrey's love of authenticity extended into my gift choice for her - a stained glass decoration to fill the remaining empty space in our living room window.

I got it from Winter Arts Glass Studio, a local pair of artisans who work from their home (like, not ten minutes away) and use an automated web form to arrange shopping visits instead of maintaining a brick and mortar store. I loved visiting with Andre and Leslie, who almost had me talked into coming up with an idea for a commissioned original until I saw the colours on that honeycomb piece.

It is a wonderful thing to be married to a wonderful person who will share a romantic fondue with you on your anniversary, but prefers wings and appies and keeping it caʒ for her birthday - thank you and happy birthday Mrs. Fitz!

Monopolized

Why do I own four different versions of a board game I don't even enjoy that much?

I am referring, unsurprisingly, to Monopoly, a great old board game which, thanks to hyper-competitiveness, player-elimination mechanics and a flurry of house rules so well-eastablished that many players are legitimately shocked when you tell them that no, tax money does not go into the center of the board to be paid out to whomever lands on Free Parking.

The rules as written for the standard game mean the only way to win is to bankrupt every single one of your competitors, a process that is both insidious and tedious, and in addition to prolonging the game past any reasonable length of play, will not endear the winner to any of the 'friends' they were playing with.

And yet, the legacy and familiarity of the game has led me to acquire (some as gifts, I believe) three variant editions of Monopoly - Nightmare Before Christmas, Star Wars, and The Godfather - as well as the original. 

But some unrelated trivia question (was it the Connections game from NYT? something else? damned  faulty memory...) which named some of the familiar properties from the game had recently stumped Glory. When I explained the linkage, she mentioned that she had never once played "Classic" Monopoly, so we busted out the Deluxe Edition from my childhood tonight and had a go. Ah, nostalgia!

The Deluxe Edition is so named because the game box contains not only the original ten pewter tokens, but also a clever but oversized sorting tray that gives the banker a well-organized drawer for all denominations of bills as well as a display rack for all the properties, Newer versions seem to replace this with some sort of rotary filofax mechanism, but both mean a lot less shuffling through the deck looking for Ventnor Avenue or B&O Railroad.

And of course, the properties are all (or once were, at least) actual streets in Atlantic City, the home of the developer of the original Landlord Game that eventually became Monopoly in 1935.

Anyhow, it is still possible to have fun playing Monopoly, if you follow these three simple guidelines:

1) Play the official short version of the game - everyone starts with 3 random properties, you can build a hotel with three houses instead of four, and you play to a time limit.

2) No house rules! I mean if you have some you like, great, but remember, the Free Parking payoff turns the short game into a lottery (hell, you might as well play Candyland...) and needlessly prolongs the regular version. This also prevents "oh, we've always played it like..." discussions.

3) Invite good peeople (mandatory) and serve them liquor (optional, but highly recommended).

We had a great time and many laughs.

Tiki Time at 22

Glory is currently in her third-year clinical placements for nursing school, and it is at least as demanding as the academic side. Last week she got home a bit before 4 pm, started looking up drugs and medications for patient research, took a short break for dinner, then got back to it and stuck to it until bedtime.

At supper, she confessed she had been so busy she had forgotten it was her birthday the next day. I reassured her that everyone gets busy, and most importantly, her mother and I had not forgotten. The next day, having been told by her instructor that she was doing too much, she returned in better spirits, and the two of us set about determining where to go for her birthday outing. 

I asked her what her main focus was for her birthday: the food, the drinks or the vibe. After a thoughtful pause, she chose vibe. I said, "okay, so what sort of vibe - casual, classy, funky, fun, music, country?" She landed on fun, and we both agreed that is a pretty broad category, but seeing Tiki Tiki on Whyte appear on a few "fun YEG" lists, she declared it was "perfect."

I had fond memories of visiting the original with my parents back in the late seventies, in a much larger space that had a separate lounge and a dance floor, where Polynesian performers amazed us with grass skirts, poi balls and even fire.

A resurgence of interest in Tiki culture and drinks prompted the opening of not one but two Edmonton tiki joints last year, Honi Honi Tiki Lounge and Tiki Tiki, and nostalgia led us to the latter.

It is a small place with very friendly staff, great, kitschy decor, wonderful food and most critically, a robust cocktail menu supported by an A-level glassware game.

I went for a classic Mai Tai which ended up being the best one I had ever had, the perfect synthesis of sweet and tart, while all the ladies coincidentally selected the Dole Whip Pina Colada which was also delightful. 

We shared meatballs, sticky ribs and crispy sushi rice for appetizers, then everyone but me selected the Poke Bowl, while I opted for mac n cheese with pulled pork and udon noodles subbing in for elbow macaroni. Mine was great, tremendous comfort food, but the variety of textures and tastes in the poke bowl made it a clearly superior choice, and I would lean towards getting that next time.

All the while, there were ample opportunities to explore the cocktail menu, but a highlight for me was learning they do shareable cocktails 'scorpion bowl' style, so we ordered a Mainlander for all of us. Our server brought a decent sized bowl with a flaming volcano in the center of it to the delight of everyone present. (Video below.) Thank goodness Glory's BFF Brooklyn was able to join us and help out!

Glory had a chance to try a Mermaid juice served in a hefty, glowing fish, while I got to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up, like in the song.

                                                

They brought Glory a complimentary and delicious pineapple upside down cake for her birthday and enough forks for sharing, and to cap things off, I ordered some cinnamon bun wings. I expected wing-shaped pastries with cinnamon and cream cheese icing, but was surprised when they arrived and turned out to be actual chicken wings, albeit dusted with cinnamon and sugar and glazed with icing. There was a lot of uncertainty around this, and despite this paradigm shift being a challenge to wrap a rum-addled brain around, we all agreed they were novel and tasty.

We made the mistake of parking on the street, which limited our visit to two hours (pro tip: if you go, the parking for the tire place next door is open after they close at 5 pm), but that was probably for the best.

All in all, a wonderful night out, and a great way to observe Glory's 22nd birthday!

Feasts & Family - Spring Break in TO

Despite my entrenched resistance to growing up in general, Audrey and I appear to have reached that stage of adulting where holiday family dinners can't help but be exclusionary in some way; by flying to Toronto for Spring Break so we could spend Easter weekend with Fenya and Bobby, it meant abandoning Glory! But with the Noah Kahan concert on Friday night and a visit to her bestie's family for Easter supper, we knew she would not be completely abandoned. And what a wonderful week in TO it was!

Air travel is still a conundrum to me in some ways; a mere four-hour flight that between airport travel, security screening and getting a ride from YYZ to F&B's Cabbagetown apartment, somehow felt like we were travelling the entire Tuesday, or at least from 8 am to 8 pm... Some of this discomfort is mitigated by the ability to have waffles and a bevvy at the Belgian Beer Cafe at 9 am, however.

Wednesday saw poor Bobby both under the weather with a (non-Covid) cold and under the gun for his PhD committee presentation the following day, which I understand to be not only an intense, nearly hour-long Powerpoint show but is followed by what is essentially a mini-dissertation defense. We left him to his own devices and best wishes and just got a little shopping in, including the turkey that we agreed to cook up for Easter supper. 

But even a simple shopping trip is kind of cool when you realize their neighbourhood Loblaws was formerly the legendary Maple Leaf Gardens and has their eponymous sigil recreated in an array of arena chairs on one wall...

That evening the three of us heading back to Etobicoke to visit our friends from Wesley-Mimico United Church, our congreagation from when we lived there in the late '90s. John and Nancy had graciously agreed to host a potluck there, and it was nothing short of delightful to reconnect with these dear friends (and some new ones, including their new minsiter and his wife!). 

Despite our only having lived in Toronto for four years, those relationships have somehow managed to stay intact, and they were hugely important in helping F&B get settled when they were apartment hunting there last year.

Thursday began with a trip to Kensington Market, a truly funky assortment of shops and restaurants situated in former homes in this old Toronto neighbourhood that most people my age are likely to associate with Al Waxman. The primary purpose was to find a dress for Fenya at one of the many thrift and vintage shops in the area (as she has a singing performance coming up), but when Bobby showed up following his academic ordeal, his cerebellum truly wrung out and in need of a rest, he and I made tracks to the nearest restaurant.

Blessedly, this turned out to be my first encounter with Jamaican/Italian fusion at the amazingly named Rasta Pasta. My Fettucine Irie (with a generous portion of spicy jerk chicken stirred in) was fantastic, but I think his namesake dish of Rasta Pasta was even better - the fluffiest gnocchi I have ever tasted paired with a mixutre of ackee fruit and salt cod. The ladies ended up getting the same thing when they joined us a little later, and agreed that the dish was worth seeking out, even if the restaurant's three-door layout was a little confusing.

I could have spent an entire day at Kensington Market - as it was there was enough time to see some amazing vintage clothing, visit two cheese shops, see the Cocktail Emporium and marvel at their selection of bitters, and even grab a margarita at Pancho Y Emiliano (with walls full of Zapata quotes!) before heading home so F&B could make it to choir practice that evening.

On Friday, we attended Good Friday service at St. Luke's United Church, which included hearing Fenya sing a sombre but challenging solo from Handel's Messiah. It is a small congregation but still vibrant, meeting in a crowded chapel space because their sanctuary is in need of repairs.

I was delighted to learn that F&B's apartment is a 15-minute walk to the fantastic Stormcrow Manor, a self-described "sports bar for nerds" that lets you build burgers using an RPG character sheet, roll for random shots with a 20-sided dice, and has some of the best-presented cocktails I have ever encountered. One of the better Friday-nights out, in my books at least.

Xenomorph Brain Fluid (15)

Yes, OBVIOUSLY I kept the Lich King Tiki Mug...

I'm gonna level with you -my chicken wings were only so-so, but Audrey's chickpea fries more than made up for that, and I fully intend to go back and try to hit that natural 20 on the shots table!

By Saturday, Bobby's cold had begun transferring itself to Fenya, but she was still up to walking just over a block from their place to the Allan Gardens Conservatory. This collection of plants is not dissimilar to the Muttart in Edmonton, but is contained within a set of greenhouses dating back to before Confederation, and their tropical wing has a tremendous collection of turtles I found entirely captivating. The plants are amazing too!

We had told our young hosts that we intended to take them out for supper Saturday night as thanks for hosting us and being our guides for the week, but the gobsmacked and delighted look on Bobby's face when I told him we were going to Medieval Times made it clear we had chosen correctly.

And in case you are wondering, MT lives in a weird sweet spot betwen children's entertainment, historical recreation and professional wrestling, and you will have exactly as much fun as you want to have, so long as you can get past the innate silliness of sitting in an arena eating a half-chicken with your hands while wearing a paper crown on your head and cheering on your designated champion (ours was the Blue Knight).

This was the fifth visit for Audrey and I, and once again, our knight failed to triumph. But we all marvelled at the athleticism and horsemanship of the performers, and I had forgotten how engaging the falconry demonstration is in that small a space. And if we ever felt jaded or unsure, we had only to turn at look at Bobby: "Oof! So our guy is off his horse, so is he just out now?"

"Oh no, now he will continue to fight on foot."

"WHAT."

We attended the 4:30 show (which included birthday announcements for celebrants aged 4 to 50, which I found delightful), but they hustle you out of there pretty quickly afterwards, leaving a lot of souvenir and bar money on the table in my opinion. But this left enough time for our traditional viewing of Jesus Christ Superstar, which Fenya was keen to do before Easter Sunday, as the movie ends on Good Friday.

Tragically, the cold was well entrenched by Sunday, so she had to miss church that morning, prompting an emergency change in choir anthems, but the service was still lovely. Even more importantly though, we got to meet a number of their fellow congregants, all of whom expressed how much they adore our daughter and son-in-law, which is just something I will never tire of hearing, despiute how natural such reactions seem to me.

And afterwards, their friend Maelyn took us on a tour of the church, which is due for a major remodelling soon as they transition a bunch of their space into affordable housing, something their neighbourhood deperately needs.

Audrey's impetuosity led her very quickly up a steep and narrow spiral staircase with a rope handrail, and my curiosity and FOMO led me just as quickly to follow. I was too apprehensive to enjoy myself fully but really appreicated the chance to go where so few have been, and which soon may be inaccessible or demolished.

Returning to the apartment, we started assembling their apartment's first turkey dinner - with Fenya excused duty, I looked after the stuffing and turkey, Audrey the broccoli and onions for veg, and Bobby took care of the mashed potatoes. The Look bag I had brought got the 10.5 lb bird cooked in a little over two hours and made cleaning up the roaster a snap, much to Bobby's amazement.

While the turkey cooked, we watched music videos and chatted and caught up, and as much fun as all the Toronto activities and attractions were, this was my favourite part of the week - just enjoying each other's company (and sampling many Ontario beers, and watching the Ayreon Universe conert in its entirety and facilitating Fenya's first glass of icewine).

And this of course includes Skye, who, while still a terror when left unsupervised and has disassembled a closet and its contents, including at least one door removal, obviously has a tremendous amount of affection for her new family, but still remembers us fondly too.

I've mentioned before that we should all pay attention and be grateful for the people in our lives that we are comfortable doing nothing with, the folks with whom time can pass unencumbered and with swiftness despite the lack of an any sort of agenda. Such a delight to have such people in my family by both birth and marriage!