I don't go to church to be disappointed in myself but it happens from time to time. Usually it is when I am reminded of the tenets of my faith and missed opportunities to apply them better, and during this past Sunday's service, that is what happened.
Most of the service was as one might expect: scriptures were read, songs were sung, and prayers were delivered. During our service, there is an opportunity to light candles of concern or celebration. Two were lit for congregations in our regions, one was lit for the death of a friend, and another was lit for the birth of a great-grandson. Of course someone lit one for the dead in Tumbler Ridge and that whole community, wishing them swift healing from the trauma their community endured. I thought about going up, but wrestled with the idea for too long and the moment was lost.
I had first had the notion when we passed the peace at the start of the service, shaking hands with other people in the congregation and asking that the peace of Christ be with them. I shook hands with Madeline, a trans woman who started attending last fall with her partner Diamond. I know people in that community have experienced even more expressions of hatred since it was revealed that the Tumbler Ridge shooter was a trans individual, and I told Madeline I was glad to see them.
Then I shook hands with Nicole and Danielle, the couple who joined us as full members about a year ago through profession of faith, and who now look after the supplies for the post-service-fellowship. They are sweethearts and I am always delighted to see them.
But it got me thinking about the communities of faith where the four of them might not be welcome, and the unspoken prayer began to form.
A little while later we got to our reflection, which was not a sermon per se, but a brief talk by the guest invited by our Outreach Committee: Samuel Juru, the executive director of the Newcomer Centre (which was formerly called the Mennonite Center for Newcomers).
He spoke about his experiences growing up in Zimbabwe and being visited by armed government agents there after questioning those in power in a televised Q&A while a student. About coming to Canada as a political refugee, and how his first job here, despite having a degree in international relations, was unloading trucks on the nightshift.
Despite the fact that many other immigrants and refugees in his circle felt having a decent paying job and an apartment meant he had "made it", he reflected on what he wanted to do with his life, returned to school and started two decades of public service helping those trying to come to Canada to make it a better place.
It was a wonderfully personal and inspirational story, that had less to do with faith (although he related praying to God to give him Samson's strength on his first night of unloading heavy, tube-style televisions) and more to do with values, and maybe that is when it hit me:
How many of my fellow Albertans would have been indignat or even angered by the things that brought me joy that morning?
Shaking hands with a transgender woman? Greeting a lesbian couple? Listening to a black immigrant share his story about not only making a successful life with a family here in Canada but helping others to do the same?
It feels like I am continually reading the amplified grievances of people lamenting the way things "used to be," which, let's face it, were probably a pretty good time for white Christian males...but not a lot of others.
This seems to be the banner that the Alberta separacists (no, I believe that is spelled correctly) are trying to draw people to, and in that moment of realization, a few things came into sharp focus to me:
1) sometimes, the simple act of being a wholly inclusive community of faith and providing a safe space for people is enough in itself, and
2) that being a welcoming and justice-oriented organization is going to feel threatening to some people, and
3) that impasse will be difficult, if not impossible to bridge in our current environment, and we should ask for help.
As people lined up to ask for prayers of both joy and concern, I recognized that what I should do, what I ought to say, is to go up, and highlight that impasse, and then pray - not for us but for the haters.
Pray that the Divine opens their eyes, or their minds, or their hearts, whatever requires broaching. Ask them to see a world that celebrates differences instead of fearing it, to imagine one that embraces diversity as a source of strength and not dilution. Because as entrenched as our positions might seem to be, we won't be able to move forward effectively without some of those on the other side changing their minds.
And with corporate-owned news media and billionaire-owned social media so intent on keeping us divided and antagonistic for eyes and subscriptions and likes and clicks and advertising dollars , the oligarchs and the rest of them can sit back and watch us divide ourselves, and then roll up to conquer later on.
All of this ran through my head as I struggled to pay attention to the other candle-lighters asking for prayers, but when the last one spoke, I was still there, in my seat. Unwilling to stand and make this ridiculous ask that we, as followers of not just the 'brand' but the actual teachings of Jesus, try to find it in ourselves to recognize the intolerant as fellow children of God.
And what has gnawed at my soul since then is not so much the fact that I was unable to do it; the real pain is the lack of regret I feel for not having done it.
Perhaps next Sunday...













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