Underclocked?

One of the most interesting byproducts of living in the computer age is that it has given us new ways to discuss the human brain and its functions. Both are built around around a complex system of binary switches, both are electrically based, and both are amazing computational engines in their own fashion - some computers can do millions of mathematical processes in under a second, but a human can calculate the precise path of a ballistic object in order to, say, strike a moving target with a throwing stick. Most importantly though, both of them have their limits, and the discovery that I may have reached peak capacity with my own bio-comp has been both sobering and enlightening.

I've always been prone the to the kinds of gaffes you might associate with the absent-minded professor trope, but I've also considered myself a fairly conscientious individual. So a few weeks ago, when my boss asked me where a certain project was at, and I realized I had completely spaced on it, I was completely aghast. He was upset, obviously and understandably, but I think he also registered my shock and concern, and thankfully didn't attribute my oversight to laziness or disinterest.

In fact, the incident not only left me completely dumbfounded, but also concerned that maybe I had damaged my brain somewhere along the way. I had cracked my head pretty good against the side of a pool while on holiday last year, but hadn't noticed any lasting effects or symptoms. Likewise, my alcohol intake was not insignificant, but nowhere near what I would consider dangerous levels, but still...

I made an appointment with my family doctor and told him my concerns, and asked if there were any tests that could be done to detect any impairments in my cognition. He said that there aren't really any diagnostic tools that are precise enough to detect the kind of impairment I was talking about, and instead, he asked me about the kinds of things I dealt with on a day-to-day basis. I started listing them, and between a challenging position in a ridiculously dynamic workplace, two daughters at home facing their own challenges, a wife whose job can take an emotional toll and who I want to support, the committees I work with at my church, and a fairly tight circle of non-demanding friends whom I refuse to take for granted, it got to be a fairly comprehensive list.

The doctor looked at me and said, "I see this a lot in patients that are your - and my - age, especially with people who lead engaged lives. You are significantly involved in a lot of things and with a lot of people, and all those connections and interactions take up some of your available bandwidth. If you think of your brain like the central processor on a computer, there are only so many operations or applications it can handle at one time, right?" I nodded, seeing where he was going.

"Well, when that threshold gets exceeded, programs stop working or operations get skipped. And on top of that, as we get older, our processing capacity reaches a plateau and then eventually starts to diminish. And in my opinion, that's what you are up against."

I sat back in my chair. "Just gettin' older," I said.

He nodded. "Just gettin' older."

Instead of prescribing a battery of tests,. he suggested I dial back on some of my commitments, and readjust to the new limits I am discovering. Combined with some new organizational tools at work, getting a bit more sleep most nights and some limited attempts at mindfulness exercises, it seems to be helping.

It turns out that I am also very much a creature of habit. This morning for instance, I felt a stab of anxiety when I put my hand where my wallet should be and found an empty pocket instead. I couldn't imagine it falling out, and supposed it must be at home, but all day long, the possibility that I had absentmindedly dropped it someplace filled me with dread. By the end of the day I was exhausted, but Audrey emailed me to say that it was on my jewelry box at home, right where I had left it.

A small change in my morning routine due to Audrey leaving earlier than me to take her sister to the bus station had discombobulated me just enough that I didn't finish loading my pockets.

And as far as the exhaustion goes, I got to thinking about the time I noticed the battery levels in my phone dropping precipitously. When I examined it more closely, I found an application running in the background that I was unaware of, which apparently was taxing my processor and battery to its limit, and increasing my phone's temperature to boot.

All day long, despite my efforts to focus on the tasks at hand, my thoughts had kept returning to the possibility that my wallet had been lost, and with it, the bulk of my i.d. and means of accessing currency. What kind of hassle would it be to replace it in its entirety? Thank goodness it was never lost.

But in my imagination, I can hear the sound of an overworked turbine decreasing in pitch as it slows down, the cycles getting lower and lower as I realize I have nothing to fear, and the combination of relief and weariness is going to insure an early bedtime tonight. With any luck, I will find my processor's 'sleep mode' without too much difficulty.