(Six) Bones to Pick With Wolverine

I have been indulging in a lot of escapism of late in my continuing efforts to avoid looking at or discussing the news since the U.S. presidential election. Reading comic books on my iPad, painting miniatures while re-watching Stranger Things, playing in multiple role-playing games - these are all welcome dissociations from a threatening reality. 

And in that vein, I would like to explore a potentially unpopular opinion  of mine which will have almost zero bearing on the lives of most sensible people, and it goes like this: I straight-up hate the idea of Marvel Comics character and X-Men mainstay Wolverine having bone claws.

There, I said it.

The idea that the man called Logan has always had natural, bony claws under the surface of his skin (as opposed to bionic implants added later when adamantium was added to his skeleton) has been canonical in the comics now since 1993. This is when arch-villain Magneto used his powers to strip all the adamantium from Wolverine's skeleton (messy, but honestly a pretty solid idea), including the bony claws which surprised quite a few readers (and apparently angered quite a few of the writers too!).

In 2001, the six-issue mini-series Origin fully demystified Logan's backstory and confirmed, yes, bony claws were part of his original mutation.

Given the range of superpowers we have seen in comics and fanciful physical adaptations displayed by the ever-increasing numbers of mutants in the X-books, having retractable bio-swords in one's forearms is a long way from the least credible mutation we have ever seen, and once they were wrapped in metal again six years later (no idea how, btw), maybe it doesn't even matter, but it still grinds my gears something fierce.

I vastly prefer the idea that Logan's primary mutation is his healing factor which makes him very, very difficult to kill, and also slows his aging considerably. His secondary mutation is presumably his incredible senses, particularly scent and hearing, more akin to those of a wild animal.

"But Stephen!" some people might say, "surely bone claws are a natural pairing with the other animal-like qualities displayed by the character? In fact, wasn't creator Len Wein's original plan to reveal Wolverine to be an artificially evolved or otherwise enhanced actual wolverine (Gulo gulo luscus)?"

Absolutely! 

If we are talking about claws supplanting fingernails on the end of phalanges, like Wolverine's nemesis Sabretooth, that is.

The idea that a naturally occurring mutation, in addition to making a random individual nearly unkillable and enhancing their scent, hearing, sight etc., would also see fit to put three (not four, not five, to match the aformentioned phalanges) fully retractable, knife-length claws in their forearms unlike anything else in nature?!  

I have read comics nearly my entire life. I can take a lot of stuff on faith and my capacity for the suspension of disbelief is tremendously high, but it is not infinite. That just seems dumb to me.

Particularly when there is a much better explanation available!

Logan was already a formidable opponent prior to his being augmented by the Weapon X program, where some government or agency or what-have-you made his skeleton unbreakable by either replacing it or bonding it with the fictional metal adamantium. It is a very short trip from there to having some officious knob saying, "hey, as long as you're already under the hood, why don't you pop a set of three enormous switchblades in this guy's arms?"

X-Men artist and co-plotter John Byrne clearly felt this was the case over a decade earlier when he drew the legendary "Days of Future Past" story. In this alt-future tale where most of those bearing the x-gene are already dead or incarcerated, mutant-hunting Sentinel robots relentlessly hunt the rest, and one actually manages to kill Wolverine by incinerating him.

One too many 'fastball specials' I guess

The very next panel shows Logan's skeleton, but his forearms appear bionic, with a clear housing apparatus for his claws.

Later on, the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe (still a high-water mark in 'overthinking it' that puts a lot of Star Trek supplements to shame), adds even more detail:

In fact, John Byrne found so much of the post-Dark Phoenix X-Men canon disagreeable that he wrote and drew 32 issues of fanfic (called Elsewhen and viewable here -highly recommended!) showing how he would have carried the story forward, including his own take on an origin for Wolverine. 

In Byrne's version, sometime after WWII (including an undocumented stint with The Invaders, Captain America, Sub-Mariner, original Human Torch and others!), Logan has barely survived being trampled by a cattle stampede while working as a ranch hand...

 ...and twenty years later, accepts an offer (from the Weapon X) program to replace his shattered skeleton... 

...but is unaware of the addition of metal claws until he unsheathed them for the first time during his recovery!

Now, an excess of 'logic' or 'sensibility' or, worst of all, 'realism' has been the death knell for many a comic book. But setting aside for a moment just how much more down-to-earth these bionic claws are than the alternative, look at how much pathos has been unlocked here! 

The horrified expression on Logan's face as he realizes that while in the past he has feared becoming more feral, a literal animal, now he has been made into a monster - a living weapon.

Another of my favourite comic writers, Peter David, actually blames himself for the bone claw debacle, as he was at a Marvel writer's retreat and joked, "hey, why doesn't Magneto just pull all the metal out of Wolverine's skeleton and be done with it?" He never thought that the writer who actually took up the idea he had only put out as a joke would a) take it so far and b) decide that the claws were too important to leave out of the equation and made them boney as a result.

Now, to be clear, when Hugh Jackman pops the organic, cruelty-free claws in the movie version of Days of Future Past, it looks completely badass and makes for a great scene. From his look of initial surprise and eventual realization to the subsequent employment of said calls, let's face it - this is the Wolverine we came to see.

But beyond fan service, I am damned if I remember them playing any sort of meaningful role in the remainder of the story, and I note with interest that Logan is the biggest character on the movie poster, but  has metal claws in that picture. 

Like I said at the start, it is a largely meaningless argument with no real stakes to speak of. The decision was made decades ago and none of us bothered by it are so put off by it that we have stopped reading about the character. Because it has been undone, (in fact, a few years back Wolverine was dead for the better part of a year before returning from Hell itself with glowing hot claws...) we can each revere or ignore the bone claws and adjust our headcanon accordingly.

But with an X-Men reboot and MCU integration seemingly just around the corner (presumably following Secret Wars in 2026), there is likely another chance coming to get it right and set the record straight.

I mean, according to John Byrne, not just me...